It's so weird how a song can just take you back in time. You can conjure up those feelings that you had when you heard that song. It is almost as if you are there, somehow taking a time machine and you are watching yourself in that time. I guess it could be like when Scrooge is visited by the spirits and he can see himself and watch what he is doing, but he cant do anything to change it right then and there. A song that just popped into my head is Seagull by Bad Company. When I hear that song, I can see my 12 year old self laying on the floor of my bedroom staring up at the ceiling. so many thoughts racing through my head.....since I can remember my mind has been constantly playing over and over again and again scenarios i make up in my mind....for instance if i am going back to school for the first day. i will sit there and think about who i will see, what classes i have, are my friends coming back since somehow we lost touch over the summer. i could even make up dialogues of people I would talk to.
I have been so busy playing these scenes in my head, so long taking visions of what may or may not happen and preventing myself from actually just going and doing whatever it is and just let whatever happens happens. its like being the director of a movie and i am laying there constantly analyzing and calculating that next scene in the movie. but life isn't a movie that you can write the script for. life happens as it happens. you cannot control the next scenes in your life. any unexpected life changing event can and will happen. it could be for the better or it could make your life quite difficult. but the thing is...we have no control over that, so why .....why do i sit there and play these scenes over in my head. there may have been a very few times that things i thought about before the next event in my life did happen....but only because the were predictable. there is nothing quite predictable about life. yeah you can plan to go to the movies on Friday night, and you are going to see this certain movie at this certain time and at this certain place. you know who you are going with and what is supposed to happen. you have the basic fundamentals of which direction you are going to take your life at that moment but you do not have the concrete fact that any of these things you planned are going to happen. your friend could call and say they cant make it....well now at least one variable has been taken away from that plan....yeah you could still go at the same time, same place, same movie....but that one variable of who you were going with changed. the movie could have sold out and now you are not going to see that movie. something could happen during the day that causes you to be late and so you have to see a later movie instead of the time you had planned. so my point is i suppose is that you cant lay on the floor of your bedroom listening to a song while you constantly play over and over in your head the next big scene of your life. life is just going to happen. you can play the who, how, where, when, why of the next scene in your life, but most likely some sort of variable is going to change. You are going out on a first date and you don't plan for the other person to grab your hand and hold it. in your mind you were both going to sit there and watch the movie, eat popcorn, drink, and interact with the movie. but if that person grabs your hand, that is an unexpected piece of the scene that you had already planned out.
basically don't worry about what the hell is going to happen in the next second, minute, hour, weeks, years. you can plan all you want, but you cannot control exactly what happens. whatever is going to happen is going to happen. you meet this awesome person and you get on well and can sit and chat for hours. you start to like this person, but you start planning the demise of something that hasn't even happened yet, you start thinking all sorts of things, what if this, what if that, i don't want to get hurt again. but you cannot plan any of that. all you can control is that next action you take. you have to think about things you do want, that you want to plan to make happen. focus on the things that make you happy. you have control over whether you are happy or not.
i really went off the beginning topic of this which was being able to remember something by listening to a certain song. then i thought of that song which then led me to think about what i was doing when i heard it, which then made me go into what i was doing, but should not have been doing. oh my head is so full of words, colors, patterns, random thoughts and they just flow over and over again and again. sometimes if i don't pay attention i can have all these thoughts telling my future......
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