Feelings....nothing more then feelings

I've never been positive about much. Never even been sure that anything I did was the right thing and always question and analyze things, but there's one thing I'm sure of...one thing that no matter how much I question it...it just feels right and I feel hopeful about it. I suppose my lesson in patience is still ongoing.

It's nothing to do with my brain.....this feeling comes from somewhere else. They say follow your heart especially with matters that are important to you. I've never NOT listened to my brain. It's always been steering me on.....usually on the wrong path because it's to busy criticizing, analyzing, over thinking, and trying to keep me afraid. So I've missed out on so much in my life, missed out on things I've wanted to do, dreams I wanted to follow.

But for once I'm following my "heart" because the heart doesn't think....it feels. And sometimes things just need to be felt and not thought about. If you shut your mind off for a bit and just focus on the feeling you get when you think of something. You can't explain it but you feel it and then you know what's right. Call it intuition or whatever but I'm gonna follow that for a change. Thoughts are just that..Thoughts. but when you feel something it's usually right.

Ahh I try to explain what's in my head but sometimes I don't think I get it out right .

Start of the Show

Well my friends, I have been very quiet with this blog thing....I really should work on getting better at it. You are are missing out on some really good thoughts and random craziness that consumes my brain. I cannot allow the world to go on being neglected like this!!  The world needs my thoughts and ideas. They may not be important to everyone, but if I can make at least one person think, smile, laugh, or forge any kind of emotion then I have done my job. It just takes one person helping another to make the world a better place. 

For the past year or so I have been going through so many emotions. I am in a rehab of sorts in my mind....training it to think better, be more positive, acknowledge the irrational thoughts...but not entertain them, and just forget the past and live for this moment....this very moment that is right here now. All my life I have tried to control my future...planning it out in my head. But if you look at what you were planning at the age of 18 and then look at where you are say 20 years later like me, you will see that your life is really nothing like you sat and worried about and planned in your head all those years ago. 

A lot of the last two years as I am trying to change and overcome fear have been filled with some dark days. I am trying to overcome and learn to keep the depression down. Focusing on positive things, slowly accepting that little changes eventually lead to big changes before you know it. Some days I feel like I will never get to that point where I can be happy and satisfied with my life, but then I find it a little easier to believe things are going to get better. I remind myself of all the little things I have done or am doing to get to where it is I want to be. 

Today has been one of them days where it is hard to feel like things are going to change and things will get better. But as I sit here reminding myself of all the things I have done to help me progress to get to where I want, I remember that I am going to do this, I am doing this, and I will be where I want to be!!  I can look back at my life this time last year and see that I am different. I am thinking better thoughts, I am focusing more on where I want to be, and realizing that I do deserve to get what I want!

Well I shall leave you with this song.....lyrics speak to me...and this is speaking to me now!


Learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?